The Fool's Journey
by NoahEarlGraves
Summary: It appears that the two most powerful men have made one too many collateral damage that would change their lives forever. One stupid mistake and there you have it, Izaya ends up travelling around the globe with the one man he claimed to hate enough to want dead. Shizuo wasn’t any more happy than he is. First stop? Celty’s homeland. Shizaya Fem!Izaya


This is inspired by Runandra's 1001 Nights series from the Hunter x Hunter fandom.

Disclaimer: I neither own Durarara!! nor the 1001 Nights series nor the tarot cards (Fool's Journey).

(This takes place about half a year after Shizuo and Izaya's 'last figth' and Izaya had just recently returned to Shinjuku)

As usual, just like Ao3 (I'm NoahEarlGraves there), FF is messing up my format so... ;_;

-

It's a good thing that he loves his job so much. Otherwise, he would have long deserted the place in favour of the comfort of his apartment's clean shower. But Orihara Izaya knew better than to ignore or turn down any "requests" from Shiki of Awakusu-kai for not only does he value his job, but his life as well. Sure he could try and get away from the yakuzas by disappearing -with his vast intellect on how the yakuza's intel worked, he could pull that off easily enough. However, evading one sorta lousy job isn't nearly worth losing his livelihood in the lovely bustling city that is Tokyo.

So here he was. 2AM in the morning, in an old gallery's back room with broken lights trying to tear his way through layers upon layers of junk and cobwebs in search of a certain document on a certain individual called 'Koga Hakuseki'. The only consolation Izaya got out of this was that he himself didn't know enough about the man to know why the Awakusu-Kai would have any interest in gathering any information on such a dull person. All Izaya knew about this Koga Hakuseki is that he owned a "gallery" much like the Awakusu-kai's, only that this his is a legitimate gallery with no history of evading any legalities… again, as far Izaya knew.

Just when Izaya was starting to manage to bribe himself with the prospect of discovering something new about one of his beloved humans in order to make jumping into the stuffy place feel at least a bit more worth it (there are many humans to choose from, his accursed subconscious realized, why chose this one with secrets probably as bland and cliche others - only that it's buried under some even more cliche layers of dust), a voice he's all too familiar with unwelcomingly assaulted his ears.

"Iiiii-zaaaa-yaaaa-kuuunn!!"

Izaya's eyebrow twitched. Really? Of all places? And how the hell did the beast manage to enter the gallery quietly? Izaya mentally cursed. The beast couldn't be quiet even if he wanted to. Izaya 'tsk'-ed. Unpredictable monster. He's not exactly in the mood. "Just my luck...".

"Ah Shizu-chan! Long time no see, ne~? I see you're as monstrous as ever!" Izaya willed his shit-eating grin to stay on his face.

Shizuo could have sworn he busted an artery. "I see you're in my Ikebukuro again even after I told you to FUCKING STAY THE HELL OUT OF IKEBUKURO!"

In short, they fought, and Shizuo, being the dumb brute he is -Izaya had briefly thought before the goddamn ceiling collapsed on them, had swung and an entire file holding locker which broke upon impact when it missed Izaya by a hair's breadth and struck the only sturdy weight holding pillar within that rather large part of the building. The pillar cracked briefly before it began to crumble.

Little did they know, along with it, an old golden, gem adorned lamp fell to the ground and was smashed under a falling piece of rubble.

Cursing under his breath, Izaya took a gamble and flung himself to a somersault over Shizuo's head, using the beast's shoulder as a support, and flung himself to the nearest wall which is behind Shizuo. Shizuo's reflexes were fast but Izaya's were faster. Plus, he could not cast the flea while he was practically airborne over his head. Realizing saving himself from some major injury by being buried alive in debris had a slight more importance at the moment, he flung himself to the nearest wall as well, beside the flea.

The room shook and the roof fell into the room. Thankfully mostly fell into the middle of the room and the sides near the wall didn't fall victim to direct impact but the whole area started to fill in with debris.

"Damn it…" Izaya realized he was stuck. 'This is bad…" looking over to his side, he saw the protozoan squirming his way out of the piled debris. The monster. There's just too much junk in front of him for him to make his way through even if he managed to shove some away. Izaya's eyes widened when the protozoan was squirming to turn around. Izaya gasped. "Don't. You. Dare."

Amidst the transition from fighting to taking cover the brute probably reflexively took the spot beside him near the wall and didn't think of punching the damn wall to get out when he tried to dodge the falling roof.

Now if Shizuo punches the wall to get out, Izaya will be buried alive as more debris would fall and spill directly on him. Izaya does not have that monstrous strength to prevent the construction remains from crushing him. He would die. Izaya wasn't ready to die. Not like this. At least if the beast was going to kill him, let there be an audience to see what a monster Heiwajima Shizuo really is!

Seeing the rare fear lacing in Izaya's eyes, Shizuo could feel a smirk tugging at his lips as he was finally able to free his left arm from its confines. "What's the matter, Izaya-kuuunnn??" even he knew what would happen if he punched the wall now. "I'm going to finally end you, FLEAAA!"

Izaya finally panicked. His arm outstretched as if it could stop the blonde.

"Don't!"

Just when Shizuo was about to punch the wall, his fist stopped and froze midway. Shizuo's eyes widened. He couldn't move at all. "What the-"

A mystic giggle sounded through the air. _"Now, now, that wasn't very nice~!"_ the girly giggles echoed in the now roofless room again.

Shizuo snarled, too pissed to note the oddity of the quality of the giggling voice. "Show yourself!"

 _"Hm-mm, is that how you talk to a lady, human?"_ The creature 'tsk'-ed. " _Men these days. I knew that you humans somehow evolved culture into bastardly degrading towards women but I didn't know it has gotten this bad, and it's only been a few centuries too!"_ the voice sighed before continuing. " _I don't want to. I don't want to show myself until you apologize!"_ Izaya could hear the creature mock sulk.

"Like hell I'm gonna apologize! Let go of me first and show yourself, coward!"

Izaya wanted to facepalm but his arms were stuck with debris almost reaching to to his neck.

There was a pause. Then, " _No, no, no, you must apologize first."_

"Ugh, fine! I'm sorry for being rude. Now would you please let me go?"

Neither could see the creature but both could positively hear the smirk in that voice. " _Only if you promise you won't hit him."_

"What the-"

"Shizu-chan." Izaya's voice, for the first time in front of Shizuo, hadn't been teasing. Izaya gave him a spiteful glare. "Best do as she says for now. We don't know wha- who she is." Izaya corrected himself, not thinking it's wise to be rude to an unknown animate being.

" _What a clever, clever boy! You should listen to the boy, boy."_

"Tch." Shizuo hated that Izaya had a point but at the moment could not think of anything more logical than what the flea just said. "Fine. I won't."

" _Oh, goody~!"_ There was that overtly cheery voice again. Honestly it was starting to grate Shizuo's ears but he gritted his teeth and said nothing. However, the crease on Shizuo's forehead disappeared when the rubbles were suddenly picked up from the ground -more like floating actually. The debris composing of concrete and other heavy construction properties looked light as feathers as they float about before retracing the room, the building, into how it was before before Shizuo decided to throw the goddamn metal file drawer at the pillar.

Shizuo's arm suddenly loosened as if freed from some sort of solid restraint. The blonde inquisitively moved his hand about before frowning at it.

Izaya was too mesmerized by the show before him. Soon, Shizuo's eyes also returned to the spectacle before them.

As soon as the last piece of the fallen ceiling fell into place, a flame suddenly burst from near the pillar. That was when both noticed that the place had gone back to how it was minus the dust and cobwebs as well as a certain golden lamp they hadn't quite noticed amidst the flurry which was still on the ground, broken. Above it, the fire turned purple before turning fully blue. From the flame, spunned a woman with blue skin and jet black hair.

Or what looks to be a woman. As soon as the flames disappeared around the figure clad in what looks to be, from Izaya's recollection of his days studying the Indian culture, a golden sari. The woman had a bindi in between her eyebrows and a mystic yet playful smile adorning her youthful face. She flew and made a beeline for them. She stopped right in front of Shizuo, her face above him as her feet were off the ground.

A genie.

" _See me now?"_ She tilted her head and her whole body followed. Looking Shizuo up and down before moving onto Izaya and doing the same to him. She practically swooned. " _They call me Atasi. I haven't seen any Japanese men for over a thousand years! What a treat!"_ Shizuo cringed when she squealed not unlike a certain fujoshi he knew.

This was bad news through and through.

Izaya coughed. Nope. As interested as he was to many creatures from supposedly myths and legends, after one day of meeting a Dullahan and monster with the strength exceeding a thousand men, Izaya had no interest in anymore monsters. Nope. Not today, no. Especially not if they can't grant him immortality. Nu-uh. "Well then, if you'll excuse me, I have a job to-"

"Hey fl-!"

The creature narrowed her eyes " _Not so fast, young man."_ With a snap of her dainty fingers, Izaya felt something wring his neck as he unceremoniously fell on his his back. The raven groaned. Bless him and his reflexes for letting him execute the backdrop suicide technique flawlessly or that would have been very painful.

Looking up, Izaya realized Shizuo was right above him looking scandalized. There's less than ten centimeters between them..

The genie shook her head disapprovingly with a mock frown. " _No, no, this won't do. Fighting is bad, boys. I won't tolerate it, no, no, I won't."_

Both were starting to get irritated by this genie. Izaya got up after a full three seconds on the ground and dusted himself off. Shizuo, too stunned, didn't do anything. Him being as strong as he was, did not feel the tug on his neck when Izaya stopped abruptly in his tracks once again. This time without falling.

Izaya's eyes widened. "What-" he tugged and tugged again but he couldn't move any further. No, no further than 1 meter from Shizuo.

"The fuck's wrong with you, louse?"

Izaya couldn't help but roll his eyes. Of course the monster wasn't able to feel the manacle stuck to their necks.

" _Tug all you want. The chains could never be broken by mortal hands."_ The genie giggled whilst spinning vertically in the air giddily as if she was an overgrown toddler and not a creature of ancient myths. She stopped. " _I'll spare you your precious breath, so before you inquire if I would so kindly let you off my chain, I will do no such thing."_

" _So let me lay out the terms for the both of you: first, if one of you dies, the other will soon follow. Second, that chain reflects how close you two are to one another. The closer you are, the more flexible the chain will be but since I can see that you both hate each other will all your heart and minds, well, touche, that's as flexible as the chain gets! If you hate each other even more, it will be even shorter!"_

Both Izaya and Shizuo were looked at each other, then the space between them, then each other again. Both looked almost scandalized that they liked each other enough that they didn't stick together. Neither knew whether to be thankful or disgusted at themselves or which prospect disgusted them more --the fact that their body aren't stuck together, or the fact that they may actually touch if they hate each other just a little more.

With that, flames engulfed her figure as she spunned before disappearing into thin air along with the last flicker of blue flames.

" _Play nice, now~!"_ the creature said with her one last irritating giggle echoing to nothing.

"Wait! How the hell am I supposed to-"

"She's gone, you pathetic beast. Even if she weren't, did you really think she would tell us anything useful? You're worse than an under-evolved amoeba."

Shizuo snapped to glared at him. Teeth seething and eyes bloodshot as if he's just barely holding onto his last shred of humanity, resisting from ripping him to pieces. Hah. Izaya scoffed. As if an amoeba could impersonate a human. Izaya knew he shouldn't be running his mouth given their current predicament but he just couldn't help it. He's just as irritated as the beast was and, really, and nothing like a good ol' brawl would be better in bringing in some normality into this ridiculous situation.

It was only by the grace of God that Shizuo actually managed to contain his anger, fists clenched and with a deep breath his shoulders slackened as he stopped seething. "So… what now?"

Izaya only shrugged. Now that they can't kill each other, there really isn't much that comes to mind because there's no way any one of them would be able to live with the other.

"Beats me."

-

After a very, one can say, lengthy discussion, and only after a few 'what-the-fucks"s, "what-the-actual-fuck's, and 'like-hell-I'm-gonna-let-you-go-around-ruining-people's-lives-you-sick-flea!'s and 'Not-under-my-watch!'es did the two finally got their shit together enough to actually do the most logical thing to do (not that Izaya would ever acknowledge the beast being able to do anything that requires any semblance of human intelligence). Number one, reality check. Which was not that hard. Neither had been in denial to what had transpired given that they both have encountered less than normal situations (befriending a Dullahan and knowing Saika users can't exactly be considered 'normal' by any standard definition, really). Number two, consult their best friends -or more like Shizuo literally dragging Izaya along to where his best friend is where Izaya's so called best friend also happens to live as well.

"SHINRA!"

The tea spilt as the doctor stood dumbfounded at the sight of his door being knocked down. Though he was sure that was Orihara's voice… that's Shizuo's leg kicking his door down right?

"You @%!*#%@$#*..!!"

A creative blend of Japanese, Russian, Chinese and English (Shinra had been lost halfway and could not identify the rest of the languages thrown into the mix) curses that would make the crudest sailors blush to their ears were spouted along with-

"How the hell am I supposed to move when you're in the way, damn flea?!"

"You incorrigible protozoan better have a good explaina- HEY THAT'S MY PHONE YOU JUST THREW!"

There goes his window.

"The fuck?! How many of those things do you have!?"

"Just about enough to ruin some twenty dozen people's lives and take down a couple governments no thanks to you!"

For the sake of his sanity (and apartment) Shinra decided to-

 _BAM!_

"ACKH!"

"Shit!"

"Shinra!"

After a painkiller and a couple more ice packs, Shinra, with the help of his darling Celty, bless her, managed to sit upright enough on the couch. Celty chided them responsibly making Shizuo's face contort in guilt whilst Izaya pouted not unlike an errant child getting scolded for misbehaving.

"Uh-huh… care to run that by me again?"

Izaya sighed but calmed down enough to speak. Orihara Izaya is always in control after all (he couldn't help the little bit of yelling when the beastly blonde kept trying to talk over his voice the moment before). This time Shizuo refrained from speaking at all, not trusting himself not to yell again (Celty already giving him that look - they are best friends afterall, Shizuo's bound to know just what 'look' Celty outright throw at him and others in certain situations).

5 minutes and some out-of-this-world questions later, Shinra wasted no time snapping out of his dumbfounded stupor as soon as the initial shock at seeing his two friends (Shizuo) break, literally break, into his apartment and the crazy, less than comprehensive, explanation on the predicament -more like them screaming at one another and both Shinra and Celty had to use all their 'best-friend' deciphering ability they have gained over the years of dealing with the crazy duo to read between the lines- subsided. "So let me get this straight. You both got into a fight in an old gallery, broke a relic, then out comes a peace-loving albeit mischievous genie, and here you both are, bound to one another by a manacle that shows just how much you like- er, hate, one another and not able to kill the other without killing yourselves?" Shinra summed up.

Both of Tokyo's strongest nodded solemnly.

"Heheh… ahaha… ahahaha… HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA! CELTY, CELTY MY HONEY THEY'RE SERIOUS! OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA! THIS IS PRICELESS! I LOVE THAT GENIE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" Shinra laughed. In normal circumstances, the brunette doctor would have grovelled at Shizuo's feet, begging for mercy, but there was nothing normal about the current circumstance. So he laughed and laughed "-Oof!" Till he doubled over in pain when it was Izaya who kicked him in the gut. Not too hard, but enough for his glasses to fall off his face and for him to stop laughing due to the pain.

"Orihara-kun, that hurt!" Shinra whined, shameless in his display. It's a good thing he's more than used to supernatural events occurring here and there. A normal person would have a seizure just trying to process the whole catastrophe.

Growling, Shizuo could feel his eyebrow twitch. Celty began frantically typing in panic when she could here the blonde's knuckles crack. _[Who? Whatz thid grnie's name? Wehre did she cmoe form? Waht did she say?]_

All anger washed away, Shizuo was lost. On the other hand, Izaya could read the odd assortment of letters just fine. "Atasi. Courier-san. Atasi was her name, at least that's what she told us it was." Izaya pronounced the name perfectly. Much to Shizuo's irritation. "The relic's probably crushed to powder thanks to the beast," he added, making the other growl with a hint of embarrassment. Both vividly recalling the partially shattered, partially dented and very broken golden lamp that was supposedly heavily adorned with jewels of all sorts which might have been the damned ccreature's.

Shinra chuckled. "I don't usually believe in karma. It's simply not scientific but…"

Izaya glared at the doctor, wondering if the chain didn't also make the beasts' near uncontrollable emotions tranfer to him since he's feeling more and more impatient by the minute as if he's going to lose it, quick. Taking a deep breath because, no, Orihara Izaya does not lose himself, his temper, like a beast, Izaya finally leaned back on the couch beside Shizuo's since both absolutely refused to sit beside one another in the loveseat.

"But honestly, Orihara-kun. You've been gone for awhile now. Many told me you were probably already dead, but here you are! With… this-" He laughed. "-no less!" The quack doctor was practically crying at the hilarity of the situation. The amusement was not apparent in any of the other three, however.

"Focus, Shinra." Izaya prompted irritably, not at all feeling like his usual calm self. Why would he? He's bound to his arch nemesis and his neck began to feel too fucking sore from the beast's insensitive accidental and nonaccidental tugs since the damn monster was evidently unable to feel shit.

"Sorry, sorry." Shinra took a deep breath. "Alright. Now I'm calm."

"Good." Izaya still glared at him whilst Shinra only grinned back at him.

Sitting back and folding his fingers together, Shinra finally looked serious enough for Izaya's likings. On the other hand, Shizuo could not say seeing the good doctor serious did not unnerve him a little. "Well, seeing that you both can't physically get away from each other I guess it's fair to say you're both not under the influence of some sort of drug… which if course if by chance there exists a drug strong enough to make you both want to act-"

"Shinra." Izaya said lowly.

Shinra covered a cough. "Nevertheless, let me do a full body examination on you both to make sure nothing is out of order."

The word 'body examination' set off warning bells in the blonde's head. "Don't you-"

"I won't try to experiment on either of you. I promise."

At that, Izaya calmed down considerably. Though he still didn't quite trust the quack doctor. "What are you going to be looking for?" he asked, suspicion still evident in his voice.

"The standard. Head injury, etcetera. Really though. Even if it doesn't look like it, if something really is wrong with your bodies due to what just happened, wouldn't you want to find out just in case?" Shinra reasoned.

Shizuo grunted. Even if he did not trust the quack doctor all that much, he does have a point. Contrary to popular belief (popularized by a certain black haired informant no doubt) Heiwajima Shizuo is a reasonable man in his own right.

Izaya only nodded solemnly. Not like this day could get any worse.

"Flea."

Izaya glanced over to the blonde irritably.

With no shame, whatsoever, the blonde bluntly said, "I need to take a piss."

For the love of-

-

Unbelievable! One would think that the damn manacle would give some flexibility when nature calls one but nooo so there was Izaya. Standing awkwardly with his right hand outwards since he refused stand any closer to the beast while he does his business.

"Hurry up."

"The fuck, flea. It's only been, like, two seconds."

"Shut up. Just hurry the fuck up."

Shizuo could not say he's not glad that the flea had lost all eloquence in his speech. Somehow the many curses that mingled with the louse's sentences made the stupid flea that much more bearable to be around.

For some odd reason or another, seeing the flea so flustered and not-so-in control pleased the blonde immensely.

Izaya sighed and let the beast be. His arm and body following the beast's movements without a struggle.

Then it sank in.

"The hell did you just do, flea?!"

That he might be stuck to this brute for the rest of his life.

-

After the many scuffles both managed to have time for before both stepped out of the bathroom, both paused when Celty shoved printouts to both men's chests, effectively stopping the bicker.

"The fuck is this?" Shizuo regretted his own tone immediately. He didn't mean to be snappish to his best friend. It's just that he's had a long, long day and that he's now just, wholly and thoroughly, royally pissed.

Izaya, surprisingly, was even less calm as he was practically constantly bristling. Even as he read the document over. "Explain." he demanded.

Shinra poked his head past the door from inside the operating room. "Now, now, no need to be so mean to my honey. She had kindly booked you both plane tickets to Ireland. Don't worry, Izaya can wire me the money later." the brunette doctor called out from where he stood preparing supplies.

"Ireland?" Shizuo said dumbly. The oddity of the situation making him forget just how expensive the plane tickets he probably could not afford is.

Celty showed them her pre written message on her PDA. _[These are plane tickets to Ireland.]_

"You don't say." Izaya deadpanned.

Celty was wise enough to ignore the black haired man's smartassness this time round. _[My homeland. There, you might be able to get some help.]_

"Help?" Shizuo voiced both's thoughts.

 _[Well, you both do not want to be tied to each other for eternity, right?]_

"Obviously. Who would wanna be seen with a beast 24/7."

"You-"

Celty quickly shoved the PDA in Shizuo's face before he could attempt to maim the informant. _[I know someone who can probably help!]_

Izaya's eyes widened as his lips curved in excitement. Unable to hold himself back from being hopeful. A chance to get away from the brute!

Shizuo's eyes widened as well but a frown formed quickly after. For some reason, his gut is telling him this is not exactly good news.

After a long winded explanation from Celty (Izaya blames the brute's slow mind) and Izaya's long and overly complicated soundings queries (to which Shizuo called him out for being a paranoid flea and to which Izaya replied that he was merely being the responsible adult unlike a certain someone - that certain someone almost hurling the coffee table across the apartment and out the window at the remark), they finally decided to get over with the examination, go home and get packing for the first flight to Dublin first thing tomorrow.

"You poor excuse of an amoeba! Of course we're going to your place first. I am not sleeping over at your equally poor excuse of an apartment!"

Had he mentioned how much he hated this randomly calm Shizuo? Monsters are supposed to act like the constantly raging beasts befitting of their image. Not this calm.. Thing.

As before mentioned, size was oddly calm. Opting to be the rational one between the two for once.

This is not a game. The blonde did not want to be bound to the flea for the rest of his life. This is not a laughing, or raging, for that matter, matter at all. "No. Your apartment first. I refuse to sleep in a place you got with blood money." but he can still afford to be stubborn too. Never mind that the plane ticket for tomorrow is going to be paid for with the said blood money, Shizuo wanted to avoid doing anything remotely immoral unless the situation severely warrants it.

Izaya sighed, knowing that the blonde is not going to relent anytime soon for whatever reason (as if the beast would listen to reason). He didn't feel like arguing with the dumb brute for now. Even his stupidity ceased to be amusing after a the much too crazy day.

"Fine."

This is going to be a long night.

-

I apologize if there were any errors

Thanks for reading!


End file.
